- World Weaver Press
- Release Date
- June 2016
"Do you want to be perfect?"
That's what Danny asked Celia the night he turned her into a vampire. Three months have passed since, and immortality didn't transform her into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting, but left her awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida gas station. On top of that, she's a giant screw-up of an immortal, because the only blood she consumes is from illegally obtained hospital blood bags.
What she needs to do—according to her moody vampire friend Imogene—is just … bite somebody. But Celia wants her first bite to be special, and she has yet to meet Mr. Right Bite. Then, Ian moves in next door. His scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle, but insecure Celia can't bring herself to meet the guy face-to-face.
When she finally gets a look at Ian's cyclist physique, curly black hair, and sun-kissed skin, other parts of Celia tingle, as well. Could he be the first bite she's been waiting for to complete her vampire transformation? His kisses certainly have a way of making her fangs throb.
Just when Celia starts to believe Ian may be the fairy tale ending she always wanted, her jerk of a creator returns to town, which spells nothing but trouble for everyone involved.
Aug 02, 2016 [ OFFICIAL REVIEW ]
164 people found the following review helpful
Celia knows Ian will make the perfect first bite and then she'll be a real vampire.
When Celia met Danny he asked her if she wanted to be perfect. The next day she woke up abandoned in a hotel room after a night of cruddy sex with a craving for blood and a note from Danny with numbers for a blood dealers and a therapist. Other than a sudden allergy to sunlight, nothing changed. She was still boring, old Celia and not Julia Roberts. She picked herself up, bought some blood, booked a therapy appointment, and continued on with her life. Her therapist tells her that it will get better after she bites somebody. She meets Imogene, an older vampire, at her job and Imogene takes her out on the town. Sadly, Celia has no interest in biting anyone, not until Ian moves in next door. He smells fantastic and she just wants to breathe around him.
Celia feels that biting somebody is her last first and she wants it to be special because her first sexual experience was terrible. Ian is incredibly laid back and takes her being a vampire relatively well. Especially considering he learns about Celia's vampirism when she attacks him after he injures himself biking. After the biting incident, the couple is relatively normal. Ian conquers Celia's fear of intimacy by showing her that with the right man, sex can be great.
Unfortunately, Danny blackmails his way back into Celia's life by threatening her blood supply. He brings his hooker Vixen with him, a new turn who is killing people. Danny wants Ian for a blood slave since his blood is worth a lot on the black market. Can Celia and Ian get rid of Danny and Vixen and live happily ever after?
BITE SOMEBODY is a zany, surreal take on vampires. Sara Dobie Bauer's vampires have little in the way of superpowers compared to the mainstream vampires of Twilight and Vampire Diaries. Ms. Bauer's vampires have advanced strength and are able to mesmerize humans but they also can't go out in sunlight. Ms. Bauer's view is a traditional view of vamps not often seen in modern vampire fiction. Celia is more like a human who happens to drink blood than a vampire. Though there is plenty of killing in this book, there is little gratuitous violence. Most deaths occur off stage and the main characters discuss them or occasionally stumble across the bodies. This way of killing people creates a disconnect from the violence of their deaths and makes that violence feel surreal.
By making a human-like vampire, Ms. Bauer makes Celia relatable to the reader. BITE SOMEBODY is a romantic comedy that happens to involve vampires. If you're tired of violent, angst-ridden immortals but still want a vampire romance, check out BITE SOMEBODY today.
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Book Review by vera (reviewer)
Aug 28, 2016
149 people found the following review helpful
Bite Somebody is a wonderfully funny read. Get ready to laugh from the first pages to the last. Celia is a riot a minute and Woodsy BO Guy is just plain wonderful.
BITE SOMEBODY, STORY LINE:
In Bite Somebody, author Sara Dobie Bauer has created a vampire novel that is funny, witty, and just good entertainment. Celia Merkin is a newbie. A vampire newbie that is! She sees herself as wimpy, lumpy, fat, and far from irresistible. After her creator ask her if she wanted "to be perfect", Celia woke up alone, a new vampire, unable to bite anyone for food, and she certainly was not perfect. In fact, she was her same insecure old self, lumps and all. She has a psychiatrist who does not understand her, a new friend, Imogene, who is crazy, and a new neighbor, Ian, that makes her motor run. Her new crazy friend, Imogene, tells her to just bite somebody. Celia wants her first time special, not just a bite for the bites sake.
Is the woodsy bo guy next door the answer to Celia's problem? Will Celia ever realize her insecurities are coloring her perception of herself? What will happen when her creator pops into town with a new trick on his arm and new schemes?
Come alone and join Celia, Ian (Woodsy BO Guy), and Imogene as they traverse the world of vampires and humans.
BITE SOMEBODY, CHARACTERS, PLOTTING, DEVELOPMENT:
First I must say, I have never laughed so much reading a vampire story. Author Sara Dobie Bauer has created a wonderful feel good book that will appeal to anyone that loves fun, laughter, vampires, first love, friendship, awkwardness, and self-revelations. The person we perceive ourselves, is often quite different from the one the world sees. As a result, Ms. Bauer successfully shows that each of us have characteristics which are attractive to others; all we need is awareness and confidence to believe.
Also, the plotting and pace of the story-line never slowed or lagged as we romp with Ian, Celia and Imogene. Imogene's character is gruff, gritty, and insane. Her development throughout the story-line was progressive. You will love Imogene. She is the yang to Celia's yin. Ian is the stuff of dreams and a little "out there" as he is from California. He is a man who sees below the surface to the real person.
Furthermore, the villain of the story is just that, an evil villain. He's conceited, evil, twisted, and corrupt. You will love hating him and his new fling.
In concluding the review of Bite Somebody, I found this book fast paced and well-written. Ms. Bauer included well crafted love scenes that are not graphic or in detail. Furthermore, Ms. Bauer added in mystery and included a surprise ending that will leave you screaming for the next book in this series. Bite Somebody is a wonderful light vampire romance.
BITE SOMEBODY, RECOMMENDATION 5 STARS:
In conclusion, I do not hesitate to recommend this book to anyone that enjoys a story-line which is well-written and includes laughter, mystery, friendship, and love. This is an easy, relaxing, fun, book. I look forward to the next installment in this series.
Finally, I received this book from Librarything in exchange for an honest book review. Book reviews of any novel are dependent on the book review author's opinion; consequently, all book reviews on line under my name and on my blog are my opinion.
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